Some things never change

Loud laughter can be heard once the villa door was opened.
It’s actually a very private and silent place that even a droplet of water can be heard, so the noise created by a group of young people are magnified.
He counts the number of shoes arranged systematically on the shoe rack, which actually surprise him; and a smile immediately appears.
It’s the third year of their secret get together, and up until now he still pleased that every one ensure that they will attend this event.

He still remembers three years ago, Mini contacted her about her plan to have a get together party for Brown Sugar Macchiato cast and asking his help to gather the guys. He is hesitant at first since he knows that everyone is busy. They are good friends, yes but after Brown Sugar Macchiato, everyone takes a different road. Though most of them are still under Andy’s management, some of them leaves and find another house. He will admit that three years ago, he didn’t know the story behind every one, especially the side of the girls. He’s in doubt how will Mini will be able to gather everyone and how they will have a common two free days.

But here they are now, on a private villa away from the city. A place where no one can take a photo of them, create another crazy story and post it on a tabloid. Here they are fifteen young actors having a two ordinary day away from every one’s eye.

Before he cried of happiness, he neatly placed his shoes on the rack and made his way into the living room.

The living room table was moved to the side to give space to fifteen people, twelve of them are sitting comfortably where ever they wanted. Xiao Jie was the first to notice his arrival and immediately ask him to sit down beside him on the rug. Tong tong gave him his plate while the rest are busy eating and informing him that they bet what time he will be arrive. Xiao Yu even told him that Gui Gui told them that he will arrive after they all leave since he is already a grand father that makes everyone laugh.
Expect Gui Gui to say the craziest things.
Before he can even ask where their resident ghost is, a loud baby voice surrounded the living room. If he wouldn’t know better, he will assume that voice is almost identical to Ya Tou only a two notes lower.
The voice screams Wang Zi’s name and random things that no one can decipher since it was said abruptly. Though the sentences are gibberish since the kitchen is not that near, you can easily distinguished that it was said on a cute manner.

“and she still claimed she doesn’t have any baby voice’ A-Wei said while rolling his eyes that makes every one laugh.
“She does have a baby voice…. But it was only for Wangzi!” – Daya added, which increase the hearty laughters the group shared.
“Well somethings never changed” Xiao Xiu stated matter of factly while waiting for the two people who said will get some water.
“Yeah, some thing never change, like how Ao Quan is always the later person to arrive” Xiao Jie chimed in while looking at him with his playful smirk.

But he did agree, some things never change, but sometimes he wished.
Specially when it was something to do with Gui Gui and Wangzi, their resident in denial lovers.

I am not fond of hospitals.

Blame it on my early years experiences; but I think no one wanted to be in the hospital unless you are working there.

I always get the teary feelings whenever I will visit one. Especially when I can see different patients with different sickness. It makes me feel so sad that I don't know what to do.

Today, I spent my morning as our company Volunteer to gave medical supplies at Philippine General Hospital (PGH), a well known public hospital in our country. We also spend some time with the children admitted at ward 9 & 11.

PGH is a public hospital which bare from the elegant looking and excellent ventilated rooms at a private hospitals. A big part of the patients came from poor to middle class family mainly because it is much cheaper, and better than some of the private hospitals. 

While observing them, I find myself having a hard time talking because I just wanted to cry and wonder what emotional trauma those children and their parents are going through. I remember one child, her name was Angel, she was 4 years old and have a leukemia. When I heard her parents said those words, I wanted to bawl like crazy there. I am 21 years old, healthy and doing great, I can say that so far life has been great to me that I found so many essentials that other found when they were much older than me. I suddenly realized that if Angel wouldn't survive, she will missed a lot of good things and it was heartbreaking on the side of their parents.

I met another child name Timothy who were a year and have so many complications because of the sickness I can't remember the name. I am not sure if the blood on the tube is coming from the blood packet to transmit or its releasing from his fragile body. I talked to his dad and found that he is a real survivor, they thought that he will be gone the day before yesterday but his there fighting for his life. I suddenly want to hug the child and if I will have 9 lives, I'll definitely give one to him.

There are plenty more child with different sickness that I almost couldn't look into them without forcing myself so I would not give negative impressions to their parents. I couldn't look because I can't bear to see them in those conditions. They were children who should be playing around outside, experiencing a sunlight overdose and being as playful as they should be. But they are lying there and crying at every shot the nurse given to them. They are experiencing something I wouldn't ever wanted to go through.

I won't say that the experience change my point of view or something drastic happened to me. I expected those things because I've been joining social actions voluntary works and enjoying it. I've gained handful of life's treasures and magics that opened my mind and heart to see things simply and do what you could. Doing voluntary works after a long time is like relearning the things you have learned and experience again another self review. I know I am lucky, just being a normal being is a great luck. But since it's a known knowledge, we tend to forget it and store in our brain. Standing there are observing those kinds makes me understand again what being lucky is. They let me realized again that my purpose in life is more than what I could think of.

I really do wish that social events like those is a requirement for everyone. To let them know what the real meaning of life, how lucky they are and treasure the days and possessions they have.

I miss these events :) and I think I am up for the socio-cultural self improvement process that I love to do.

I do hope that one day, I could meet those children again and have the whole day talking to them.

I do wish they will all survive this stage in their life.

When things go wrong, as they sometimes will, 

When the road you're trudging seems all uphill, 

When the funds are low and the debts are high, 

And you want to smile, but you have to sigh, 

When care is pressing you down a bit, 

Rest, if you must, but don't you quit.

Life is queer with its twists and turns, 

As every one of us sometimes learns, 

And many a failure turns about, 

When he might have won had he stuck it out; 

Don't give up though the pace seems slow-- 

You may succeed with another blow.

Often the goal is nearer than, 

It seems to a faint and faltering man, 

Often the struggler has given up, 

When he might have captured the victor's cup, 

And he learned too late when the night slipped down, 

How close he was to the golden crown.

Success is failure turned inside out-- 

The silver tint of the clouds of doubt, 

And you never can tell how close you are, 

It may be near when it seems so far, 

So stick to the fight when you're hardest hit-- 

It's when things seem worst that you must not quit.

- Author unknown

Changes is inevitable.

It will never end; it is the only thing that will remain constant.

2012 is the year of changes for me, it could also be called as my awakening year.

There are so many things that I am thankful for (I'll save it for my yearly post) and so many things that has been changed.

One of the big changed was delivered to me last Tuesday. It was unexpected to say the least. I found it funny that every time something so big happened, my whole system is filled with anxiety instead of giddy happiness that you could see my poker nervous expression. I would really think that my team lead and team mate are wondering why I'm not as crazy as I am when I received good news from fandom.

After two years from my current role, I have now the opportunity to take a technical role. It won't be easy, especially for me who stop reading and analyzing codes for more than 3 years but I never expect it to be. Like what I always said before, hard work pays off and I can a new battle cry now, everything can be learned. 

I was afraid, I will not deny this fact. Afraid of so many what if's that's been dancing to my mind but I won't be able to surpass them if I wouldn't try right? I remember one quote from last year self searching, it goes with this, Fearless is not the absence of fear, it is being terrified but you decided to do it anyway.

This coming November, I know I will experience so many crazy and stressful days. I know I will be consume by this, but I am excited and afraid at the same time. There are no successful people who doesn't feel any failure or frustrations. Like what one of my favorite song says, There will always be rainbows after the rain. And for us to see a beautiful rainbow, we must surpass the crazy storm first.

Honestly, even I said this things to myself over and over again. My heart and mind cannot be ease. I actually talked to my friends within this week, and I really wanted to thank them.

My bestfriend said that I can do it, she said that I always push myself to the limits which is the reason why I keep on expanding.

My self declared kuya told me that I am a very talented person, that it would be a waste if I wouldn't use it. Actually I wanted to really thank him because he always pushed me to be better.

Another closed friend said that the Ellen he know is not a quitter. 

Another one said that I am the always Ms I can do it.

Hearing those words from them give me courage that what ever I do, I can do it because I've done it before and I can always do it if I just convince myself.

I've been paralyzed by what if's and fears for two years. It's up to me again if I wanted to continue  being my own prisoner. I am insecure, I know it. But I slowly realized that up to when am I going to be insecure? People who doesn't seek cure for their illness will forever be ill until they are consumed by it. I may not know what I wanted to do now, but I am certain that I do not want to look back years from now and see myself on the same place.

I am only 21, there are so many things that will happen if I only let myself experience this. I am the only one hindering myself to grow and I will not do it anymore. I realized lately that I should welcome change with open heart. It doesn't matter if the ride will be bumpy or crazy, because I know at the end of the day it's another experience, another life to my years.

I can do this! Whatever it is, Ellen will not give up :)

AJA! FIGHTING!

I think this crazy picture of mine is perfect for this melo-dramatic entry.

I will end my night with this post from my ever lovely Multiply site, but I will answer this again today ;P 
All fonts in Blue are the current answers :p


1. I’ve come to realize that…
> — Life is really complicated
>- Life just begin in College. It will get more complicated as you grow older since other life's critical issues are saying their hello's to you. It will get frustrating, a bit sad and you will fall again and again. But you need to say stand up, smile and fight again, because Papa God is always there for you.

> 2. I am listening to…
> — my prof
> - Snoring of my little sister and my electric fan

> 3. Maybe I should…
> — REST! and take a vacation
> - Do something productive like coding or sleeping.

> 4. I love…
> — God, Myself, Myfriends and Myfamily
> - God, My Family, My friends who become family, and myself :)

> 5. The best days of my life was…
> — the time when i become the ellen that I am
> - When I slowly coming back to Papa God's loving arms.

> 6. I don’t understand…
> — somet things and some feelings
> - Why I need to think about lot's of things 

> 7. I’ve lost…
> — something that is wonderful
> - Opportunities that I cannot retrieve, but I will ensure to find more

> 8. People say…
> — things that they dont really mean most of the time
> - Things that they don't really mean most of the time.

> 9. The meaning of my screen name is…
> — Childish
> - I now used my second name :) 

> 10. Love…
> — Love is a noun not a verb - according to jona
> - Love is a gift that you received everyday. 

> 11. Somewhere, someone is…
> — meant for me
> - excited to meet me haha. I can dream right?

> 13. Forever seems….
> — too fancy
> - too fancy

> 14. I never want to…
> — lost the people who i value most
> - be afraid anymore.

15. My mobile phone is/are…
> — a phone
> - a phone?

16. I believe that…
> — life doesn't revolve around me
> - You can get better with God

17. I get annoyed when…
> — i am stressed out..haha
> - I am under stressed and tons of pressures. 

> 18. I am better…
> — now
> -  Now :) 

> 19. I fear that…
> — someday, everyone will hate me
> - I won't be able to obey God's plans for me

> 20. Kisses are the best when…
> — you closed your eyes and you do it with the person meant for you
> - you feel it?

> 21. Today I…
> — will do something important
> - will be productive! One step towards my goal! Yeahaaa!

22. Tonight I will…
> — have no sleep again?
> - Sleep :)

23. Tomorrow I will…
> — go to class
> - go to work.

24. I really want to…
> — finished all my requirements , have a rest with my fam and barkada, fall and love and grow
> - finished my code task TT

Another literary piece from my Multiply blog :) 
I posted this last October 19, 2009.
Here's my short Author's note back then:

A/N: I finished it the day before yesterday pero nitatamad ako magpost. ngaun ko lang naisip! ahha, kung may nilalang na binasa to at tatanungin ako bakit ko to naisip, ang sagot ko: "hindi ko din alam, basta nakatunganga lang ako at naisip ko magsulat ng nakakalungkot :))" At kung naisip nyong itanong bakit arthur, ang sagot ko: "Aba, pumasok lang sa isip ko ang Arthur's theme! haha" 

She can’t express what she feel while looking at the old familiar scene. The river is near to her. The grasses are still that high and dancing as Mr. Wind gave some blow. The sunset and sunrise are still nice to watch on this place. The changes aren’t that much. Her secret hideout is still a secret after all. A wide grin plastered on her face when her eyes landed on a familiar bench and a tree, after all that’s the reason why she’s here.

“Hey Arthur, it’s been a while.“She said before sitting on a bench in front of her.

“Sorry if I didn’t visit you for the past years. I went to the city to earn a degree in a nice university, and became very busy after a while. The city is so big and they are full of lights! There are plenty of people as well! If only I can take you there, I would! But we both know that I can’t pull you off and put you on my trunk. “She chuckled at her own crazy idea

“Arthur, isn’t my dress so lovely? Mr. Wind loves it! See! He keeps dancing with the hem of my gown.” She said childishly

“I have something to tell you. I’m at a wedding exactly 2 hours ago. It is so fabulous! It’s a garden wedding and it’s being surrounded with flowers while the butterflies are freely roaming around. The harp, violin and the grand piano are creating a heavenly music.” She closed her eyes and a small smile form on her pouty lip.

“My parents, close friends and other significant people whom I know are in there too. Arthur, do you still remember the guy I used to tell you way back then? Yeah! That guy, my best friend which happened to be my dream guy. He is at the wedding too! He is so handsome wearing a suit. He even kissed me on the cheek before holding my hands”
She said in a dreamy voice before a tear drops on her face.

“I should be happy right now, I shouldn’t cry. I’ve been in my dream wedding with the guy I dream of as a groom. I should be happy with that, its all perfect…” Tears are now flowing on her face like it was raining.

“But the thing is, I am not my sister.. His bride…” She said bitterly while letting herself cry her heart out. She’s tired of holding back this tear. She’s tired of hiding her broken heart with a set of her million dollar smile. She’s so tired… for the past two hours, she acts as if everything is alright while she’s dying inside. She let herself cry a river for him again, on the same place with the same tree who only knew what’s inside of her.

Wrote this around 2010, when everything seems so blurry. I just retrieve it from my Multiply post which dated January, 19, 2010.

There is a path i know
they say its different from everyone
so i guess mine's is different from yours,

I cant say its straight,
i cant say its curve,
I cant see a patern,
its crazy but looks funny,

i look behind and saw some marks,
i even saw small bridges,
that's connected to another path,
but it looks like forgotten from the past.

i look ahead but the path seem to end where i stand,
its scary and funny at the same time,
its scary to see the end in front of me,
its funny because excitement fills me.

I took some baby steps,
trying to figure out its mystery,
i feel amaze on how every step i make,
this path continues to follow me.

They call us in-denial lovers.

Two people who doesn't admit they have feelings,

Or we can  be two people who's oblivious to that magic feeling.

They say we can never be 'just' friends,

It's impossible to see two person as sweet as candy,

Be something ordinary as friends.

They say one day we will just realize,

That we are both looking for a person existing on our side,

The person who we just thought as friend,

Is the same person who capture our heart's desire.

Sometimes I just look at them,

And wonder how they can create scenario.

Of us being more than what we are,

When we both know we will only be stepping on the friendship ground.

It's been months from my first Fangirl 101 and I promise to post the list of Kpop Idols, but I will change that to fanfictions.

Fanfiction (noun) 

A piece of fiction within a fandom utilizing characters and situations from a pre-existing work including (but not limited to) books, television programs, films, and comic strips.

(meaning from Urban Dictionary)

(Noun, Informal)

Fiction written by fans as an extension of an admired work or series of works, especially a television show, often posted on the Internet or published in fanzines.

(meaning from Free Dictionary)

Fanfiction, like any other form of literary works have different classification, some of the famous types are:

• Real Life[RL] - self explanatory. Fanfictions that are created using facts by the character. In this type, the author usually used the screen name, real name of the actor and scenarios that is not far from what happened in the real life. Fan wars usually ignite on this.
• Fluff - A light fiction which is usually just a day-in-the-life piece that is cute and humorous. A fiction about Jade taking a humourous shopping trip would be considered fluff.
• Alternate Universe [AU] - This is where an author will choose to stray from the canon of the show and create events which are on their own timeline. Usually this is when an author will deny a character's death or act like an episode never happened or say "what if" episode A had happened differently, or they will act like the show stopped a certain place and keep writing as if there are no new episodes after that. If someone writes a fan fiction where Ami never breaks out, this is considered alternate universe. Fan fictions that take place after the end of a show are not alternate universe, however, because there is no canon for them to contradict.
• Crossover - A fan fiction which incorporates characters, events, places, ideas, etc from another fandom. If the TP and Buffy were to run into each other, this would be a crossover, since they are two separate fandoms merged into one. Crossovers are also denoted sometimes with the word: "xover", the X standing for cross.

Fanfiction also uses jargon words that may confuse new fans, actually these jargons are widely used on fan girl world, here are some samples:

• OTP - One true pairing ; A character or artists that you wanted to be together. It is related with Shipping, but this one is more specific and much faith are put unto OTP's. Some of my OTP's are Maotsujun (Mao Inoue + Jun Matsumoto), BiKyo (Rain + Song Hye Kyo), Monday Couple (Kang Gary + Song Ji Hyo)
• One Shot - Type of fanfiction that is completed once published and no other chapter is needed.
• OOC  or OC ( Out of Character) (1) When a canon character acts in such a way as to be totally contrary to what they would in the series. If Adam was to get violent and start fights, this would OOC. (2) A term used during RPG's when a person wants to say something as themselves, outside of the game. (e.g. - OOC: I have to leave my computer in twenty minutes.)

You can find other words here.

Since you know some Fangirling thing, here are the best fanfiction websites that you will find yourself spending hours and days :)

• Soompi - One of the oldest fanfic paradise :) You can see a lot of amazing fanfiction here.
• AsianFanatics - I am not an avid fan of this site mainly because of it's format, though there are fanfictions here that worth reading.
• Winglin - Simpliest fanfic site :) This site has been alive for some years now, same with Soompi but unlike the other, Winglin stays its simple html format. I do like its simplicity, though there are lots of improvements the developer can apply (My IT part is speaking TT). There are lot's of amazing fanfics here :)
• Fanfiction.net - It  is a fanfic heaven! :) This site is mainly for fanfiction so you can see variety of good stories here.

Did you ever think one day that at the right time, you will met a tall, mestizo, handsome, intelligent, kind and sweet guy? It will be better if that guy have a good body, nice job and a car. 

We could dismiss the mestizo part, because guys with colors are more manly :P 

Who wouldn't right? I'm sure you are still dreaming that one fateful day, you will meet your dream man. The one whom you molded to your imagination for a long time. 

Writing this makes me laugh at the crazy thought's that keep popping on my silly head.

Admit it or not, we, girls do have this romantic notion that one day when we finally at the right age, we will meet our dream man in a most unexpected yet unforgettable way. That fateful day when we will realize that fairy tale's do come true, and you are living your own version of Cinderella's happy ever after because you met your own Prince Charming. The day where you will be crazily happy because you  met the guy who could love you the way Domyouji Tsukasa love Makino Tsukushi in Hana Yori Dango.

We really do love the idea that one day, eventually, we would have a love story that will erase all the greatest love stories ever make. Maybe I can say that I am the only one who thinks about this.

Well, I don't want to disappoint you. But this thing will never happen. 

The fateful day where you feel your some kind of a Disney princess that finally met your Prince, or you find a love like Domyouji give is all a pigment of crazy imagination.

And to add more salt., your dream man only resides on your dream. 

Honestly, I do want to put all the blame on Disney princesses collection, romantic novels, chick flick movie, and all other stuff that gave us this insane belief about love and dream guy.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in love. 

If you knew me personally, you would be surprise that I am writing this. I bet my friends would look at me as if I will die tomorrow to be able to break your little fantasy.

I do believe and will forever believe in the magic of love.

But I just wanted to help some lady like me to have a quick call with reality. 

It's not first time that a friend called me hopeless when it comes to love. Among our group of friends, I am a sucker for romance. I do love watching chick flick, reading pocket romance novels, watching Disney princesses, day dreaming about the day when I will finally have the kind of love that I watched on TV.

I have plenty experiences where my friends just look at me and gave me their hopeless expression whenever I buy another set of pocket novels, or chit chatting how romantic a certain episode is.

It wasn't a few times where they reminded me that a dream man is called like that because it only lives in dreams. It breaths and exists on our imagination. They always told me that those romantic scenes are created to liven up or romantic stimuli's, but if we will look at it in any perspective, it was on the screen because it's a product of someone's imagination. It was born on somebody's neuron's and it's intended to be transferred on other's neurons and die there. It's all in the brain.

I actually refused to think this way for more than 8 years or so. I did think that Prince's exist ever since I was 12, and like any mind paradigm, it wasn't easy to change.

And what happens that made me change my mind?

Did I fall in love realistically that I realized that these are all illusions?

Truth be told, but I don't know when I started cringing on every romantic lines on a novel and give a side comments that it's impossible to happen. I sometimes find myself having an inner debate over a sappy movie and concluding that those are movie scenes only. It's not a big change but it's a change after all.

Actually, there are times when I regret being this stuck up about my own idealism. I always slipped any chance of falling in love before because I believe that is not the right time. I have some prospective boyfriends who I didn't gave a chance because I was so busy molding my dream man that I missed seeing some guys who could make me forget that crazy illusion.

I haven't madly fallin in love yet to say so many profound things, but I know I should delete these standards I've set because no man can really fit in a molded cast created by my own mind. We wouldn't want to wear ill fitted shoes, yet we do think that some guy would agree to squeeze himself on a coffin we created. 

We girls should realize that it's better to create a molded image when the person is right in front of you and helping you made a one in a million abstract piece called love than create a perfect masterpiece alone that we commonly called dream man.

If you are now humming and will start Shirley! 

Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley 

Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!

I am sorry  but we I won't be singing Shirley Ellis Name Game even though I wanted to but it's better that way (Trust me, music and I are not good together, but If you want to listen to it here), instead I will share the story of my name, the different pet names that my friends calls me and how I can tell our level of friendship. 

If you are wondering what the heck Shirley's name game got to do with it, can't you see? It's all about Names! and this is the first thing that really came to my mind whenever someone ask about names. I really wanted to sing it immediately when someone ask What's your name? ^^

My parents baptized me with the name Ellen Jane, it's doesn't have deeper meaning or they get it from what every books, they just named me that way because Ellen came from Evangeline and Jane is from Juan. Evangeline and Juan are my parents, and they named me and my siblings using the formula of Mom + Dad name = Offspring name :P Actually, I asked before how come my name originate from them when the only thing similar is our initials, they just laugh at my question and said that's it. (I am a curious kid, really really curious kid). My mom told me that I should be named as Ellen Jean, because Jean is much similar to Juan but the Nurse who wrote my name to the registry of my birth mistakenly put Jane, and they just go with it. When I first heard it back in high school, I said that it's a good thing that Nurse wrote it mistakenly because I wouldn't like it, me? Jean as in Jin, it sound miserable to my ears. But then I realized I just get used to people calling me Jane that's why I like it, and I think that Jean is a good name too, I like how it sound boyish, haha.

Growing up, I am someone who really had many pet names (and my friends still creates silly names), some I already forgot, but here's the list of what I still remember.

I was called as Cleng  back to my toddler years; it is a nick name given by my mom's mother. I don't remember this but it was in high school when my oldest cousin called me Cleng, and I wonder why he called me by this name. He told me that he actually don't know why, but that's everyone calling me when I was a baby that he got used to it and sometimes he forgot what they call me now. Curiosity got the best of me so I asked my Auntie about it and she told me that I was given that name due to the fact that I get sick easily and on our province they had a little town ceremony where they offer chicken eggs, they will say random weird names until the egg stands (bottom part is where the chalaza located). My relatives believes in that, and my Auntie said that when they start calling me that, I don't get sick more often than they experience. Actually I am not the only one who did this process, my sister is called Gindang, my two cousins are known as Coring and Paos. Weird right?, thanks to who ever gave me this pet name, it's cute and I do like it.

From the time when I rediscover this pet name, I used it to name some of my things like high school notebooks, and USB, that is why my friends and previous classmates knows this. My college guys friends usually calls me Cleng, (4 out of 5) and 2 of my highschool friends calls me by this name. These are the guys who are really close to me.

Jane is a name I used at home, this is the nick name that I grew up with. If you will call me Jane outside the vicinity of my home, I will ignore you mainly because my brain can only accept one pet name at a time.I sometimes think that Jane is something that wouldn't fit me outside home because it is too girly and it give me a homey feeling.

I am Ellen for most of the people I know and will know. My second name hides when I was in college; i only used Ellen and that's it. This is my common name so to speak.

Aside from Cleng, Len is a named used by my closed friends. You can easily tell that a person knows me a bit deeper once you heard them called me this.

Some of my silly nick names are

• Hamster - I don't know who started calling me this, but my college friends says that my smile looks like a hamster and I am small and chubby which makes this name fits me
• Bangs - It came out when I sports a hairstyle with fringe, the threesome (my college girl friends) called me this because they say my fringe is really funny and it fits my crazy image.
• Donya Eleonor - The girl who manage a cabaret. Another nickname created by amazing threesome because they of my 'seductive' look and 'bugaw' jokes.
• Elenia - A monicer inspired by Alodia, Philippine most known cost player.
• Han - I don't know why it is Han with A, but I think its like his nickname to me
• Lab - this one created an issue because it's a nickname my friend and I called each other. Actually I think I was the one who created this since I've become close with that friend on Computer Laboratory Class.

That's the long story of my name.

If you have some time you can share your's here ^^

Three days ago, I meet some office mates from our previous team and they told me that one of our friend got married. I have this little regret that I didn't spend much time with her because reasons that I am ashamed to admit. They are telling tales about how blissful and enjoyable the wedding is, and a bit piece of information regarding the groom. I told them that I like their pre-nup teasers, that they said was a work of the groom.

After I got home, I immediately check that friend's facebook (Stalker much >.<) and saw some wedding pictures that I truly adore. If there is one event that I really look forward seeing the pictures, its the Wedding day. I really love how each shot freeze the happiness that the couple feels, it's something that you would want to look again and again when you grow old.( Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic)

Today, when I was checking my facebook, my eyes suddenly notice that wedding pictures that the groom posted with these message:

"11 years of love and struggles and still here we are. It has been 9 years since I had my accident, you came rushing all the way from Baguio to the hospital. You chose to sacrifice your studies for a semester and transferred to Manila, just to stay by my side and lifted me when I was at the lowest point of my life and about to surrender. I’m truly blessed by the Lord to have you in my life. You’re the reason why I keep on fighting, defying all the limitations that the doctors and their medical books told me. My life is worth living after all, because I have you where I can draw strength from. Indeed, we’re fighting a happy battle, a happy battle to be fought till the end. And whatever lies ahead of us, no worries, for He’s there to guide and help us!

I love you so much because beyond all my imperfections, you still see me PERFECTLY!"

Reading it and looking at the almost silhouette pictures of them, I suddenly wish that I hope someday I will find a man who will help and build me. Someone who will stay with me through up and down. I been reading so many romance novel and watched numerous chick flicks, and I always wanted to have those kind of love but I know at the back of my head, I still wonder if that kind of love exists.Now that I know a couple who really face struggles together, stays through thick and thin on their bumpy roads, my perception of what kind of love  that I wanted to have changed.I want a love that will last like this, a love that I know whatever the future may bring, I will wake up in the morning with his face and gave me an assurance that everything will be okay.

I envy them, for someone like me who wanted to experience love because I think I am not normal and just for the sake of experience, I am ashamed of myself actually. I saw love like what usual people see, a comfort zone, a place where I should go in order for me to said that I am not alone. 

I don't think I can wish that their love will last because looking at them, I will wonder if they wont. I think everyone already wishes the best of everything for them, so I will just say Thank You. I know it will only be a bean like chance that you will read this post, and I hope if that happens, it's okay that I share what you're groom said. I wanted to Thank you because you guys because you doesnt really know how much you affect my new definition of love.

Best Wishes Guys!:) Long Live for Happiness!

Credit to Gif Owner:)

And yeah, I do love Hana Yori Dango so Much, and I love Mao & Jun much more.

They say that the two things that comes best with age is wine and friend.
I may not be old enough to say the latter is true, but for this moment I know that it's really nice to have the same set of people once in a while.

Today is not just any ordinary weekends, I met with my two best friends whom I always keep in touch and the other one who somehow drifted away. I'll admit that part of me should blame because I just don't invite her because of I can't explain reason, maybe it's just me, Jona and her will always be a crowd, or I just forget how close we were.

We've actually spend hours talking about random things, high school memories and my love love current state. While having those loud laughs and chats, I just realized that we are like this before, just a little childish that we cannot comprehend some things that causes a little bit of misunderstanding. I must admit that it's fun having her back, it's like the four of us are more complete. The other spice came back. Observing what we did tonight, I realize why we always crash, she and I are almost the same. Though she is more disciplined and girly than me. Yeah, I will always be the boyish version of her, regardless if we admit it or not. We are both the chitchatty girls who don't accept defeat. It's like we are the twin who doesn't like to be prove that we are wrong, and will do things both the way we wanted to be. Jona will always be the our mom, who understand things and just listen to our rantings. And Angela will always be our baby girly sister who give the best comment that can make you roll on the floor laughing.

Gela and Cherry said that JACE is back. Yeah, we love to have our own group name and I just remember it when Cherry said it. It feels funny, that here we are talking about stuff that we choose to hide from the involved person like it didn't matter before.

If there are things that makes me happy tonight, it's like we all met as the young and old us on one night. No interruptions from guys, it's only the four of us like before. Jona and I will walk hand in hand, Cherry and Gela.

I just hope that we could have another day like this again, because I always love to hear an old friend says so many things about you that you never noticed before, and yet they still choose to be with you.