My amazing brain wanted to have some screwed analysis and realization of my relationship towards people that has been so dear to me.
To say that I was lost was an understatement.
I do considered myself as a hopeless romantic; I do believe if fate, true love and other things that people sometimes said a word/belief out of a crap. And I think this is the main reason why I've been worried about something.
Three days ago, I realize something and I just can't help but laugh.
I realize that this someone doesn't have a feelings for me more than friend, he is like that because
- We are too close
- I let him do it
My best friend warned me several times that I lost counting, yet as hardheaded as I can be, I just categorize everything under the label 'friends'.
Boys will always be boys, though I know they have great respect to me as their friend and almost a younger sister, their biological blue print will always be summarize by the phrase I said. They will reciprocate what's given to them and sometimes a bit more touchy or sweeter that people misunderstands.
I won't deny the fact that I do have a crush on him and just hide it under the word "confusion" and "rhetorical scenario's", two concept I loved to use as my shield. Though I know that these things also happens because of I am so comfortable to him that I didn't think much of the things and just go with it and my romantic obsessive imagination.
I think I did have some crazy infatuation with him, and I realize today that I don't have a feeling for him the way I assume I have. I learned from the past months that I shouldn't trust my over analysis brain so much on the things that didn't happen yet. Everything is a product of my eagerness to have a love life, and being the available guy who meet the basic character that I imagined eons ago.
I am happy as a pig in mud.
I've sorted things out, and I can act like the normal Cleng :) So crazy and lively but this time, with lesser sugary sweet treatment.
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