Modern Day Drama

Last year, I have been a dramatic actress, pun intended.
I have been this girl with so many issues about insecurity and unfair judgement, but I didn't do anything to stop it. I just played victimized. I remember crying so much about this, that and anything I suddenly feel bad about. I called my friends and let them see me trying hard to stop what I was doing, I was that pathetic.For 20 years of living in this pretty planet, that is the only time I've drowned with my insecurity and never fight for my so-little confidence.

Later that year, I suddenly woke up one day and I realized how awful I become. I finally decided to stop the mess that I am creating and slowly pick up the confidence I leave on the ground. Though it wasn't an easy thing to do.

Currently I am still struggling, and there are times that I cannot help but to feel so low about who I am and what I can do. Like today, I have talked to an office friend and she honestly relay the comments she heard about our weekly task. I feel so low especially when I got compared with an officemate results because I am longer than him on the company. I feel so sad, I wouldn't deny that. But I know that she said it to me because she know how sucker I am for self-improvement. While talking to her I found myself internally defending my actions, but I realized that I need to stop that and listen attentively without being so defensive. If I needed to improve, I must start listening first and understand. I can say that I understand it, but my mind currently saying too much work, too much... which is the first thing I need to change. I cannot be the person they wanted me to be overnight. I'll slowly improve until one day, I can hear them compliment me.

If there is one thing that I always remember after that euphoric moment that compliments are not free. Your efforts is the easy way to have one. And effort will not betray you :)

I hope one day I can write an entry when I can finally say Goodbye Dramatic days of 2011 :) and I know I will reach that phase soon. But for now, I will enjoy this bumpy ride and keep posting some note about the daily life, struggles and aspirations of a Plain Jane :)

There are times that I asked myself why, and keep comparing like an insecure child without a toy but wanted to feel good about herself. But there are also moments when I am inspire to move forward and just do things. Those times, I think that I can do everything and suddenly realized that I am that kind of person before. Do things because I wanted to improve and tell myself that I can do it. Do things with efforts because efforts will never fail you.;,

I always know that there are things/people that will always be greater than me, but there are also things that I am good at. I remember that week, I sudden