2012 already bid it's goodbye 2 days ago, and 2013 is waving her hands in front of us. Though it's a late post, I wanted to give my thanks to a wonderful year that makes me feel really okay after a long time.
2012 in words for me are, CHANGE, FREEDOM, FAITH and FANGIRL :) Four words that summarize how the previous year has been really good to me.
CHANGE
It's been a long time from the time I bravely face this word. For the past years, I've been a stagnant creature that stays on her comfort zone. I was being afraid to change things because I am uncertain if I can handle all the crazy emotions and over analyzing that I may do. Actually, I am still afraid of changes at the start of 2012, but like what they said when changes happen, it doesn't stop, it doesn't pause, so you should prepare yourself, smile and take the challenge.
This year, I change my career path and it feels so amazing. That finally I have the courage to leave the place where I am not happy anymore. This year, I also realize that even though you change a part of your life, it doesn't mean that the people you are with will change aswell. I make new friends and my relationship with my previous team mates are much better.
Change doesn't happen solely on my career, it also happen within my family :) There are so many decisions and plans we created this year that we know what should we do in the future. Many plan's that we will do anything to accomplish.
I know that change is constant, and I shouldn't fear it but sometimes, it's really difficult telling yourself to calm down when you are not really sure on what's happening inside you. This coming year, I promise myself to be more open to it, to embrace it with a gleefully smile because I know I am heading to something. It may not be as big as I wanted to, but I know it will lead me to be the person I am meant to be:)
FREEDOM
It's actually associated with change since I feel a lot more free when I accepted and do something for a a change.
I feel freedom towards my work that I am now disciplining myself again to be a better me.
I feel freedom to take incharge of my career more that I am restricting myself to lesser fangirling because I wanted to learn more.
I feel freedom in my life now because I was not as bitter as before.
I feel freedom because I have decided to take the wheel of mylife again and decide which destination I will go next.
I feel freedom last year because finally I admit that I am not okay, I seek help, I forgive myself.
I realize this year that freedom really means being outside a box or a cage, but sometimes it's been difficult determining if you are inside a cage or not because you are being blinded by the invisible walls that you created by yourself.
I am thankful that finally I feel like a flying bird again, I feel the old me who look the world brighter.
FAITH
All of the other words I wrote is nothing if I didn't reposes my faith.
I always believe that I am one of Papa God's favorite cup of chocolate and I promise him before that I will do anything in my power to serve him. But for the past years, my hardheadedness and pride made its way, I was ashamed to face him and making bull crap excuses that I am busy and will make time next time, but I did not try hard enough.
This year, Papa God knock on my family door and for a long time, we welcome him as a family. My faith in him resurrected and I am slowly going back to that little girl who talks to him all night.
I realized how stupid I am for the past years and I will not do that stupidity again. It's not because of the things I gain but mainly because he makes me feel stronger and much better.
We do have many problems this year, I can't count how many times I've cried alone but everytime I talked to him, it feels that someone's touching my heart and telling me "Little Child, don't worry too much, I am here and will protect you". Being a Papa God's servant really a truly amazing, life changing experience:)
FANGIRL
This balance all the seriousness actually.
I will never forget 2012 as this was the year I met and watch Bigbang live ^^ I've been high for almost a month because of that.
I am more active on this part too that I write fanfictions again after 2010 T.T
I promise to lessen my time here this 2013, it's easy back threading ^^
2012 has been a wonderful year to me and I hope that this 2013 it will be a BANG ^^
I hope my 2013 I will finally scrap some of the things on my bucketlist, my family will be much much much better, and I will continue serving Papa God.
P.S. Lola, I know you will not able to read this but I hope you'll be okay there :) I miss you so much and one day I will draw once again.
P.P.S. I'm such a feeler here:P
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