I am worthy to be pursued

You say you love me,
and tell me to think it over.
I think, but I realize why would I,
It's not that I don't believe what you say,
It's more I am looking at where we are right now.
So I decided to talk to you.
and clear the air between us.
My mind is restless for thinking too much,
but what you said make it stop abruptly.
You said to forget about it,
Because you think nothing good will come up from it.
Part of me believe that it's me who made you think like that,
It is me who let you feel that nothing good will come up from pursuing me.
Part of me think that you don't want to ruin our friendship,
that is why you eating what you said,
because our friendship is such a precious thing.
But there's a part of me that feels angry,
a part that wonders why you have to said it and back out from it,
Am I not worthy?
Am I not good enough to risk our friendship for something more?
The night you told me that,
Tears suddenly flow because you just seal the ugly though I have hidden for years.
Maybe I am not worthy.
That even my dear friend wanted me to forget that he confessed.
That even of my closest friend think nothing good will come up.
I would like if I will say I didn't hate you for that moment,
Because I did.
And I will never tell you that for the first time in a long time,
I am willing to let someone see me more than friend.
I am willing to risk our friendship because finally I have some courage to do it.
I am willing to open some wall to see where it can lead us,
My eyes are swollen that night while saying good night to you,
my heart hurts and I am sure that I won't easily forgot about it.
But after the anger and hurt, I am thankful.
Because I know you don't deserve me.
And I should start erasing whatever feelings I have for you.
There maybe times that I don't feel pretty, or specialy.
But I know one thing, I am worth it.
I am meant to be pursued, and I am worthy for a man's hardship.
I am God's princess, and I should never think otherwise.
I am hurt because I do like you,
and in the deep part of my hurt believe that you can see the things I hide.
But I know God has a plan for me,
and you are not the one he created for me.
So I am also glad for that talk,
because you spare me from a might be terrible heartbreak,
and you do save our more than a decade friendship.