For the last 22 years I am celebrating the birthday of our dear savior.

I am happier and much thanful today for everything that I have.

I don't have all the things that I want, nor have the people that I like to meet.

I didn't do something so BIG this year, nor experience a once in a lifetime feat.

But I am thankful because I have the people who I need around me, 

I am thankful because I received a gift that not many people experience, it may be not a solid second life but it is technically like that and for that I am truly glad.

I am thankful that he gives me the things that I need, not in the way I like them to be but in his own wonderful mysterious way.

There are so many things that I am still lacking as his child, but I am glad that this year he solidify all the foundations and let me realize that I am more than what I am thinking of.

I am glad, happy, thankful and feel so blessed that this Christmas I can't help but utter a sincere thanks to all the things he's been given to me and my family.

Happy Birthday Papa God :)

You know I love you right? And I will be forever your willing child :)

In your name,

Amen.

I have finished reading The Hunger Games trilogy (Hunger Games, Catching Fire and Mocking Jay) last Sunday. Actually I have read The Hunger Games but decided not to read the next book because the first one is a complete series as it is, and to avoid too much excitement over the next movie.
A weekend before I start reading the book, I watched the Catching Fire and it leaves me hanging and of course I am not the kind of person who doesn't like to be hanging for sometime,  I decided to read the two books and broke my promise a year ago.

Honestly, I am so in love with Katniss and Peeta's that I really hate it that the Catching Fire was ended like that. I also believe that when a reader felt that something has ended when you finished reading a book, that means the book is really good and that is what I felt after reading Hunger Games. (I have felt it aswell when I read Harry Potter, The Perks Of Being a Wallflower, and some other great books too!)
I am still in the Hunger Games fan world that I can't help but think about it, and the lives that has been lost, the opportunity, the scenes, the heartbreaks and fears. It brings me so much emotions that I was really crying while reading >.<

I think I have three favorite lines/quotes from the whole series and it was top of this, which was on the last part.

What I need to survive is not Gale’s fire kindled with rage and hatred. I have plenty of fire myself. What I need is the dandelion in the spring. The bright yellow that means rebirth instead of destruction. The promise that life can go on no matter how bad our losses. That it can be good again and only Peeta can give me that.
So after when he whispers, “You love me. Real or not real?”
I tell him, “Real”

While reading it over and over again, I can't help by recalling the force of magnetism, which is the opposite attracts, and alike repel. Peeta and Katniss were so different, the one is so free and open, while the other wanted to always in control. Katniss and Gale are the alike poles, though they did not repel and there is a point in time, if maybe if the odds are in their favor, they end up being married though I really doubt that they will have any child.

I recall that saying and realized why Peeta is really the best for Katniss, and why normal people also falls for the person who are the opposite of them. Katniss is right that what she needs is her dandelion in the spring, that can give hope and promises. I am not actually sure of this, but maybe looking at someone with different perspective that you are can give you more life that looking at someone with the same feelings like you. Katniss is a dark character, same with Gale, and if you will put yourself into her shoes, it is scary to look in someone else eyes with your reflection. It's frightening, and she knows that what Gale's eyes will reflect, yes he love her, and she love him once upon a time when she didn't feel how it is to look into someone eyes with different view. It is comforting, refreshing, and something that gives you hope, a thing that makes us going.

It is nice to have Gale actually, someone so much like you but at the end of the day, we all have this feeling that you wanted to detach yourself from the reality, you wanted to escape in your own body and having someone so much like you is too much.

I really do love Peeta, the boy who could do everything for the love of his life and wish that I could meet someone like him. Someone who could bring me hope in the little but best possible ways. I love that Katniss choose him, that they are meant to be, and how fate turns to be.

I think I will still be in Hunger Games world for a month, and hopefully I can survive without crying my eyes out once I re-read the books, and some fan fictions.
And the movie also meet the right cast ^^ They are great and hilarious at the same time! :)

I hope the odds will be in our favor! :D

A day before my surgery, yes I am afraid but it lesser than the feeling that I feel so loved.
I might be crazy but I think one of the things that I realized with all of this is that I am really special to the people I treat special aswell.
Most of my friends expresses their fear, and wonder why I treat this lightly. I don't but I just realized that being afraid won't help me and I know that they are always with me, so what is there to be afraid to?
A little pain is nothing compared to the relieved I will have after this.
Good Luck to me in the succeeding hours >.<

Nicholas Spark isn't my favorite author out there because he always makes me cry with all his creations, but I can't help reading and watching his works adaptation.
And being me, I read another book of him and again I was in for a heartbreak.
I can't help but crying while reading and sometimes this is the main reason why I don't want to read anything, I get so hooked and emotional that it felt my life has been affected.

Amanda and Dawson.
I hate it that they didn't pursue their second chance, but at the same this makes their love so pure and sacred. They were wrapped back to their teen-age self and it feels so ethereal I guess. I think that is one thing that love always gives, the feeling of never growing old, the feeling of you are always the best person you can be.

I feel so sad about Dawson because he's always on the sad part of life, some are because of his choices while most are because of what life given to him.

I can't blame Amanda for the choices she made, she's a mother and that change everything, I guess.

I love and hate this novel because it depicts what we are all going through, in some way of another. We make choices, we live with that choice.

There are two quotations that stuck with me actually,

“Life was messy. Always had been and always would be and that was just the way it was, so why bother complaining? You either did something about it or you didn’t, and then you lived with the choice you made.” 

“I gave you the best of me, he'd told her once, and with every beat of her son's heart, she knew he'd exactly done that.

P.S. I wish I could sleep without thinking much about them >.< My eyes really hurt for crying :(

For the last years, I think there is something so amusing with the push and pull relationship, even the friend zone type of romance. I always think that it is cute watching a couple, acting like a couple, without even being a couple, weird and confusing right?

I always think that they just needed a little more time, and a little more push and they will be the cutest couple ever.

I think that it is nice to see a nice guy watching over to this girl, until he have enough courage to confess. Or a girl waiting for the confession.

I found everything so cute and endearing that I sometimes fool myself that, that kind of relationship is okay. 

Until recently, when reality pulls you in and you realized that the push and pull, and friend zone are a coward relationship. The two people held on to their feelings assuming that they have all the time when in fact they don't. These people trapped themselves in believing that maybe the other one have a special feeling too, but you don't know because you never asked and you just pacify yourself with that thought; because deep within you, you are just afraid of rejection. Not realizing the prolonging this agony, is much bitter than the rejection itself.

A tragic incident happened last week Friday(sept 6), our barangay captain was shot inside the barangay hall.
He was declared as dead after an hour from the time he was sent to the hospital.
The news was so sudden that I don't believe my sister when she told me, my mom talked to him an hour before that tragic event.

I am not close with him, but my family is.
I am actually grateful towards him because of all the help he provided.
And hearing this event happen brought fear and sadness to me.

I don't like death, though I have overcome my fear towards it and accepted that it will come one day, I still prefer not to think too much on this or else I wouldn't able to sleep peacefully and cry until my eyes hurts.

Yesterday, I went to his last wake where the family created a small program to remember him.
I didn't see the presentation because I went in late but I had a chance to listen to his family members' speeches. I think that it's good that I didn't watch it since I am pretty sure I will bawl and cry.
While listening to them, there is one thing that I observed and feel, the bitterness is so thick and sharp that it can slice you; and I cannot blame them.
As I sit there, I can understand why they are saying things like that. It is difficult to admit death, what more if it is accidental and so tragic like this. I know it's not good to compare but it is easier to accept if that person is old or sick, you can justify that it is natural and you want them to be free from this burden. But a sudden tragic death like someone shot your family member in an ordinary day, and the case is not yet close, that is something than can give anyone an ill feeling that no one wanted to feel.

Today is his burial day.
I didn't went with my parent and youngest sibling, along with people in our barangay in sending him off.
Our community is so silent right now because almost everyone went, and I think this is a great indication that his constituents respect and adore him.

I do wish that the criminals would be caught immediately and justice shall be served.
And I do hope that this is the last time.

Today is National Heroes Day, a very appropriate day for the Filipino to gather and let our voices be heard.
I joined the event, though I am alone I never felt like one while standing and roaming around the Luneta Park listening to different groups discussion, and observing them.

While standing there, I proved these two things to myself.

• The Social Media is very powerful, and the march proved that we, normal Filipino citizen who spend hours sharing our ideas and selfies on social media is walking our talk and standing on our decisions and opinions about abolishing that stinky Pork Barrel. This march proved everyone that the people on social media is serious about fighting this long-history of pork barrel corruption and the government should take this seriously.
  
• Filipino loves it country, and this movement to cleanse the system is one proof of that. I often heard that other country said that we lack nationalism, and I am proud to say that you are wrong, we do love it and this proves our passion to change the corrupt government. The lack of nationalism is an effect of the lack of trust that the Filipino's have to our government. 

I have to admit that I don't really trust rallies or anything like this because I do know that masses can be paid. Those political rallies before where they shout and carry large signs, half of the people there are paid a hundred or two just to shout, so i don't they have credibilities but I don't blame the peole who got paid there because for them, it is a job and a mean for them to fed their families.

Standing their and looking at families, group of friends, students and different organizations makes me feel the unity of the people in full sincerity. I am not paid to go there, wear white and listen but I went because I know in some way I am making a difference, and the people whom I meet also feels like that. 

I didn't finished the whole rally, and went home early because I needed to ran some errands, but I also felt proud when they said that the park is litter-free after the event. I am happy because it also shows the normal people accountability and it is different from the normal news of litter-everywhere (because of the paid rallies >.<)

I feel happy and proud that I joined this, and I keep supporting the change the we wanted to see not only because I am a tax-payer (but that played a big part) but I also wanted to see a better place for my sister and the future Filipino's.

So at the end of my day, what does this march means?

I think aside from cleansing the government, and serve us what we deserve (because the money is ours in the first place), this march means that everyone is united to make the right change and a wake up call to the government who promises to obey it's bosses command. It means that the silence and patience we give to them has reached it's limit and today, we demand to seek the truth and received what we deserved.

I didnt finished the event but I spent so much time on social media and wanted to share my opinions on some popular question/reactions:

Do I want President Aquino to resign? Why?

 - No. If he will resign, who will take his position? Another corrupt government official, I am tired with that process, let's end it please. I do actually love that this will be cleanse under the Aquino government because it do came from his own mouth that we are his boss, we will fight the corruption, we will make sure that those who do wrong things will be punished and I am waiting for him to stand on his slogan 'Daan na matuwid'. I do think that the worse thing it can happen to a person is bite back what he had said, and the public will knows it.

What can I say to those who wanted the Snap Election?

- Dear countrymen, we are in a democratic country, and mostly the people who are shouting this are the same people who put him into this position. And again, if we will have a snap election, who will take his seat? Does that person will really support our cause? I don't think so. Let's just asked the government to do what they had promised.

What can I say to Aggabao statement "PDAF is not for them. It is for the class, the dirt poor"

- We do know that, and that is not the reason why we went to Luneta. We go there because we wanted the stinky pork barrel to be scrapped and ensure that the taxes we pay goes directly to the social services that is intended to our countrymen who needs it most. I don't think he understand the feeling of seeing your payslip get deducted for thousands of your hard-earned money and watched on media that these money didnt help your countrymen but let the people in the government buy mansions and high-end cars. As a tax payer, we demand to know where our money goes, and that is a normal thing. Actually on a normal transactions, you get a receipt of what you pay for. Don't talk if you will only dig your own grave.

What can I say about Lacierda?

- Shut up please :) You're not helping your administration, you're just making things blow out of proportion. Many times people have said, pick the right words because if you messed it up, and your crowd is a very sensitive and intellectual people, they will pry you for what you said. Enough pacifying us please, we have our own mind and we do undertand what you mean, the problem here is that you don't understand what we mean :D

What can I say about the Legislative branch who keep insisting that only those who misused it should be banned to use the pork barrel system, and we should not generalized.

- Well, dear law makers, there are three brances of the Philippine Government, The Executive, The Legislative and The Judiciary. Each is a separate entity to ensure accountability. Your work is to create law for the people, update it to ensure we are protected. It doesnt included on your job role to think how you will help on funding the projects because your role is to make laws. There are so many outdated law on our constitution, and what are you doing? Sitting there and talking with different people? Arent you guys ashamed? We an ordinary people, who pay taxes, goes to work everyday, and spent more than 8 hours on our offices. We work and make improvement everyday to the people whom we worked with, while you seating there getting money from us, isnt that unfair? 

And if you really wanted to help us, please pass a useful law and make sure that they have claws to capture the people who do wrong, unless you are afraid that you will get bitten if you will do your job well.

To my countrymen, let's not stop fighting corruption.We have started now, let's end it aswell :D

Godbless our country.

Love the Philippines

Fight Corruption

Punished those needed to be punished.

It's time to change the decade of dirty politics