Wrote this around 2010, when everything seems so blurry. I just retrieve it from my Multiply post which dated January, 19, 2010.

There is a path i know
they say its different from everyone
so i guess mine's is different from yours,

I cant say its straight,
i cant say its curve,
I cant see a patern,
its crazy but looks funny,

i look behind and saw some marks,
i even saw small bridges,
that's connected to another path,
but it looks like forgotten from the past.

i look ahead but the path seem to end where i stand,
its scary and funny at the same time,
its scary to see the end in front of me,
its funny because excitement fills me.

I took some baby steps,
trying to figure out its mystery,
i feel amaze on how every step i make,
this path continues to follow me.

They call us in-denial lovers.

Two people who doesn't admit they have feelings,

Or we can  be two people who's oblivious to that magic feeling.

They say we can never be 'just' friends,

It's impossible to see two person as sweet as candy,

Be something ordinary as friends.

They say one day we will just realize,

That we are both looking for a person existing on our side,

The person who we just thought as friend,

Is the same person who capture our heart's desire.

Sometimes I just look at them,

And wonder how they can create scenario.

Of us being more than what we are,

When we both know we will only be stepping on the friendship ground.

It's been months from my first Fangirl 101 and I promise to post the list of Kpop Idols, but I will change that to fanfictions.

Fanfiction (noun) 

A piece of fiction within a fandom utilizing characters and situations from a pre-existing work including (but not limited to) books, television programs, films, and comic strips.

(meaning from Urban Dictionary)

(Noun, Informal)

Fiction written by fans as an extension of an admired work or series of works, especially a television show, often posted on the Internet or published in fanzines.

(meaning from Free Dictionary)

Fanfiction, like any other form of literary works have different classification, some of the famous types are:

• Real Life[RL] - self explanatory. Fanfictions that are created using facts by the character. In this type, the author usually used the screen name, real name of the actor and scenarios that is not far from what happened in the real life. Fan wars usually ignite on this.
• Fluff - A light fiction which is usually just a day-in-the-life piece that is cute and humorous. A fiction about Jade taking a humourous shopping trip would be considered fluff.
• Alternate Universe [AU] - This is where an author will choose to stray from the canon of the show and create events which are on their own timeline. Usually this is when an author will deny a character's death or act like an episode never happened or say "what if" episode A had happened differently, or they will act like the show stopped a certain place and keep writing as if there are no new episodes after that. If someone writes a fan fiction where Ami never breaks out, this is considered alternate universe. Fan fictions that take place after the end of a show are not alternate universe, however, because there is no canon for them to contradict.
• Crossover - A fan fiction which incorporates characters, events, places, ideas, etc from another fandom. If the TP and Buffy were to run into each other, this would be a crossover, since they are two separate fandoms merged into one. Crossovers are also denoted sometimes with the word: "xover", the X standing for cross.

Fanfiction also uses jargon words that may confuse new fans, actually these jargons are widely used on fan girl world, here are some samples:

• OTP - One true pairing ; A character or artists that you wanted to be together. It is related with Shipping, but this one is more specific and much faith are put unto OTP's. Some of my OTP's are Maotsujun (Mao Inoue + Jun Matsumoto), BiKyo (Rain + Song Hye Kyo), Monday Couple (Kang Gary + Song Ji Hyo)
• One Shot - Type of fanfiction that is completed once published and no other chapter is needed.
• OOC  or OC ( Out of Character) (1) When a canon character acts in such a way as to be totally contrary to what they would in the series. If Adam was to get violent and start fights, this would OOC. (2) A term used during RPG's when a person wants to say something as themselves, outside of the game. (e.g. - OOC: I have to leave my computer in twenty minutes.)

You can find other words here.

Since you know some Fangirling thing, here are the best fanfiction websites that you will find yourself spending hours and days :)

• Soompi - One of the oldest fanfic paradise :) You can see a lot of amazing fanfiction here.
• AsianFanatics - I am not an avid fan of this site mainly because of it's format, though there are fanfictions here that worth reading.
• Winglin - Simpliest fanfic site :) This site has been alive for some years now, same with Soompi but unlike the other, Winglin stays its simple html format. I do like its simplicity, though there are lots of improvements the developer can apply (My IT part is speaking TT). There are lot's of amazing fanfics here :)
• Fanfiction.net - It  is a fanfic heaven! :) This site is mainly for fanfiction so you can see variety of good stories here.

Did you ever think one day that at the right time, you will met a tall, mestizo, handsome, intelligent, kind and sweet guy? It will be better if that guy have a good body, nice job and a car. 

We could dismiss the mestizo part, because guys with colors are more manly :P 

Who wouldn't right? I'm sure you are still dreaming that one fateful day, you will meet your dream man. The one whom you molded to your imagination for a long time. 

Writing this makes me laugh at the crazy thought's that keep popping on my silly head.

Admit it or not, we, girls do have this romantic notion that one day when we finally at the right age, we will meet our dream man in a most unexpected yet unforgettable way. That fateful day when we will realize that fairy tale's do come true, and you are living your own version of Cinderella's happy ever after because you met your own Prince Charming. The day where you will be crazily happy because you  met the guy who could love you the way Domyouji Tsukasa love Makino Tsukushi in Hana Yori Dango.

We really do love the idea that one day, eventually, we would have a love story that will erase all the greatest love stories ever make. Maybe I can say that I am the only one who thinks about this.

Well, I don't want to disappoint you. But this thing will never happen. 

The fateful day where you feel your some kind of a Disney princess that finally met your Prince, or you find a love like Domyouji give is all a pigment of crazy imagination.

And to add more salt., your dream man only resides on your dream. 

Honestly, I do want to put all the blame on Disney princesses collection, romantic novels, chick flick movie, and all other stuff that gave us this insane belief about love and dream guy.

Don't get me wrong, I do believe in love. 

If you knew me personally, you would be surprise that I am writing this. I bet my friends would look at me as if I will die tomorrow to be able to break your little fantasy.

I do believe and will forever believe in the magic of love.

But I just wanted to help some lady like me to have a quick call with reality. 

It's not first time that a friend called me hopeless when it comes to love. Among our group of friends, I am a sucker for romance. I do love watching chick flick, reading pocket romance novels, watching Disney princesses, day dreaming about the day when I will finally have the kind of love that I watched on TV.

I have plenty experiences where my friends just look at me and gave me their hopeless expression whenever I buy another set of pocket novels, or chit chatting how romantic a certain episode is.

It wasn't a few times where they reminded me that a dream man is called like that because it only lives in dreams. It breaths and exists on our imagination. They always told me that those romantic scenes are created to liven up or romantic stimuli's, but if we will look at it in any perspective, it was on the screen because it's a product of someone's imagination. It was born on somebody's neuron's and it's intended to be transferred on other's neurons and die there. It's all in the brain.

I actually refused to think this way for more than 8 years or so. I did think that Prince's exist ever since I was 12, and like any mind paradigm, it wasn't easy to change.

And what happens that made me change my mind?

Did I fall in love realistically that I realized that these are all illusions?

Truth be told, but I don't know when I started cringing on every romantic lines on a novel and give a side comments that it's impossible to happen. I sometimes find myself having an inner debate over a sappy movie and concluding that those are movie scenes only. It's not a big change but it's a change after all.

Actually, there are times when I regret being this stuck up about my own idealism. I always slipped any chance of falling in love before because I believe that is not the right time. I have some prospective boyfriends who I didn't gave a chance because I was so busy molding my dream man that I missed seeing some guys who could make me forget that crazy illusion.

I haven't madly fallin in love yet to say so many profound things, but I know I should delete these standards I've set because no man can really fit in a molded cast created by my own mind. We wouldn't want to wear ill fitted shoes, yet we do think that some guy would agree to squeeze himself on a coffin we created. 

We girls should realize that it's better to create a molded image when the person is right in front of you and helping you made a one in a million abstract piece called love than create a perfect masterpiece alone that we commonly called dream man.

If you are now humming and will start Shirley! 

Shirley, Shirley bo Birley Bonana fanna fo Firley 

Fee fy mo Mirley, Shirley!

I am sorry  but we I won't be singing Shirley Ellis Name Game even though I wanted to but it's better that way (Trust me, music and I are not good together, but If you want to listen to it here), instead I will share the story of my name, the different pet names that my friends calls me and how I can tell our level of friendship. 

If you are wondering what the heck Shirley's name game got to do with it, can't you see? It's all about Names! and this is the first thing that really came to my mind whenever someone ask about names. I really wanted to sing it immediately when someone ask What's your name? ^^

My parents baptized me with the name Ellen Jane, it's doesn't have deeper meaning or they get it from what every books, they just named me that way because Ellen came from Evangeline and Jane is from Juan. Evangeline and Juan are my parents, and they named me and my siblings using the formula of Mom + Dad name = Offspring name :P Actually, I asked before how come my name originate from them when the only thing similar is our initials, they just laugh at my question and said that's it. (I am a curious kid, really really curious kid). My mom told me that I should be named as Ellen Jean, because Jean is much similar to Juan but the Nurse who wrote my name to the registry of my birth mistakenly put Jane, and they just go with it. When I first heard it back in high school, I said that it's a good thing that Nurse wrote it mistakenly because I wouldn't like it, me? Jean as in Jin, it sound miserable to my ears. But then I realized I just get used to people calling me Jane that's why I like it, and I think that Jean is a good name too, I like how it sound boyish, haha.

Growing up, I am someone who really had many pet names (and my friends still creates silly names), some I already forgot, but here's the list of what I still remember.

I was called as Cleng  back to my toddler years; it is a nick name given by my mom's mother. I don't remember this but it was in high school when my oldest cousin called me Cleng, and I wonder why he called me by this name. He told me that he actually don't know why, but that's everyone calling me when I was a baby that he got used to it and sometimes he forgot what they call me now. Curiosity got the best of me so I asked my Auntie about it and she told me that I was given that name due to the fact that I get sick easily and on our province they had a little town ceremony where they offer chicken eggs, they will say random weird names until the egg stands (bottom part is where the chalaza located). My relatives believes in that, and my Auntie said that when they start calling me that, I don't get sick more often than they experience. Actually I am not the only one who did this process, my sister is called Gindang, my two cousins are known as Coring and Paos. Weird right?, thanks to who ever gave me this pet name, it's cute and I do like it.

From the time when I rediscover this pet name, I used it to name some of my things like high school notebooks, and USB, that is why my friends and previous classmates knows this. My college guys friends usually calls me Cleng, (4 out of 5) and 2 of my highschool friends calls me by this name. These are the guys who are really close to me.

Jane is a name I used at home, this is the nick name that I grew up with. If you will call me Jane outside the vicinity of my home, I will ignore you mainly because my brain can only accept one pet name at a time.I sometimes think that Jane is something that wouldn't fit me outside home because it is too girly and it give me a homey feeling.

I am Ellen for most of the people I know and will know. My second name hides when I was in college; i only used Ellen and that's it. This is my common name so to speak.

Aside from Cleng, Len is a named used by my closed friends. You can easily tell that a person knows me a bit deeper once you heard them called me this.

Some of my silly nick names are

• Hamster - I don't know who started calling me this, but my college friends says that my smile looks like a hamster and I am small and chubby which makes this name fits me
• Bangs - It came out when I sports a hairstyle with fringe, the threesome (my college girl friends) called me this because they say my fringe is really funny and it fits my crazy image.
• Donya Eleonor - The girl who manage a cabaret. Another nickname created by amazing threesome because they of my 'seductive' look and 'bugaw' jokes.
• Elenia - A monicer inspired by Alodia, Philippine most known cost player.
• Han - I don't know why it is Han with A, but I think its like his nickname to me
• Lab - this one created an issue because it's a nickname my friend and I called each other. Actually I think I was the one who created this since I've become close with that friend on Computer Laboratory Class.

That's the long story of my name.

If you have some time you can share your's here ^^

Three days ago, I meet some office mates from our previous team and they told me that one of our friend got married. I have this little regret that I didn't spend much time with her because reasons that I am ashamed to admit. They are telling tales about how blissful and enjoyable the wedding is, and a bit piece of information regarding the groom. I told them that I like their pre-nup teasers, that they said was a work of the groom.

After I got home, I immediately check that friend's facebook (Stalker much >.<) and saw some wedding pictures that I truly adore. If there is one event that I really look forward seeing the pictures, its the Wedding day. I really love how each shot freeze the happiness that the couple feels, it's something that you would want to look again and again when you grow old.( Yeah, I am a hopeless romantic)

Today, when I was checking my facebook, my eyes suddenly notice that wedding pictures that the groom posted with these message:

"11 years of love and struggles and still here we are. It has been 9 years since I had my accident, you came rushing all the way from Baguio to the hospital. You chose to sacrifice your studies for a semester and transferred to Manila, just to stay by my side and lifted me when I was at the lowest point of my life and about to surrender. I’m truly blessed by the Lord to have you in my life. You’re the reason why I keep on fighting, defying all the limitations that the doctors and their medical books told me. My life is worth living after all, because I have you where I can draw strength from. Indeed, we’re fighting a happy battle, a happy battle to be fought till the end. And whatever lies ahead of us, no worries, for He’s there to guide and help us!

I love you so much because beyond all my imperfections, you still see me PERFECTLY!"

Reading it and looking at the almost silhouette pictures of them, I suddenly wish that I hope someday I will find a man who will help and build me. Someone who will stay with me through up and down. I been reading so many romance novel and watched numerous chick flicks, and I always wanted to have those kind of love but I know at the back of my head, I still wonder if that kind of love exists.Now that I know a couple who really face struggles together, stays through thick and thin on their bumpy roads, my perception of what kind of love  that I wanted to have changed.I want a love that will last like this, a love that I know whatever the future may bring, I will wake up in the morning with his face and gave me an assurance that everything will be okay.

I envy them, for someone like me who wanted to experience love because I think I am not normal and just for the sake of experience, I am ashamed of myself actually. I saw love like what usual people see, a comfort zone, a place where I should go in order for me to said that I am not alone. 

I don't think I can wish that their love will last because looking at them, I will wonder if they wont. I think everyone already wishes the best of everything for them, so I will just say Thank You. I know it will only be a bean like chance that you will read this post, and I hope if that happens, it's okay that I share what you're groom said. I wanted to Thank you because you guys because you doesnt really know how much you affect my new definition of love.

Best Wishes Guys!:) Long Live for Happiness!

Credit to Gif Owner:)

And yeah, I do love Hana Yori Dango so Much, and I love Mao & Jun much more.

They say that the two things that comes best with age is wine and friend.
I may not be old enough to say the latter is true, but for this moment I know that it's really nice to have the same set of people once in a while.

Today is not just any ordinary weekends, I met with my two best friends whom I always keep in touch and the other one who somehow drifted away. I'll admit that part of me should blame because I just don't invite her because of I can't explain reason, maybe it's just me, Jona and her will always be a crowd, or I just forget how close we were.

We've actually spend hours talking about random things, high school memories and my love love current state. While having those loud laughs and chats, I just realized that we are like this before, just a little childish that we cannot comprehend some things that causes a little bit of misunderstanding. I must admit that it's fun having her back, it's like the four of us are more complete. The other spice came back. Observing what we did tonight, I realize why we always crash, she and I are almost the same. Though she is more disciplined and girly than me. Yeah, I will always be the boyish version of her, regardless if we admit it or not. We are both the chitchatty girls who don't accept defeat. It's like we are the twin who doesn't like to be prove that we are wrong, and will do things both the way we wanted to be. Jona will always be the our mom, who understand things and just listen to our rantings. And Angela will always be our baby girly sister who give the best comment that can make you roll on the floor laughing.

Gela and Cherry said that JACE is back. Yeah, we love to have our own group name and I just remember it when Cherry said it. It feels funny, that here we are talking about stuff that we choose to hide from the involved person like it didn't matter before.

If there are things that makes me happy tonight, it's like we all met as the young and old us on one night. No interruptions from guys, it's only the four of us like before. Jona and I will walk hand in hand, Cherry and Gela.

I just hope that we could have another day like this again, because I always love to hear an old friend says so many things about you that you never noticed before, and yet they still choose to be with you.