I'm not gonna cry,
i promise myself not to cry,
i hate everything,
but i hate myself more

Everyday seems hallow..
and I'm just hiding behind my shadow

I feel stupid
i feel numb
i feel everything is out of place
yet i cant make any right

Everything seems too hallow..
and I'm still hiding behind my shadow

matagal na din from the last time i created this kind of blog, but i really cant help it, im so happy that i cant stop thinking of what had happened a moment ago.

Actually it wasnt something very special, Angela, Eumir, Albert and I spend an hour or two chitchatting before Eumir treat us to a midnight dinner? haha.

wala lang, yayaan lang, pero super saya ko na:P siguro i just missed walking at midnight with them. Its been a year or so from the last time we did it, and nakakamiss talaga sya. Abby and Eumir made fun of me and mostly Angela. Nakakatawa din yung pick up line exchange nila Mir at Abby. Its amusing how we all change, from silly and academic inclined talks to silly and humorous talks. Nakakamiss gumala sa gabi ng halos wala ng tao sa daan and we just talk and talk and talk, wala kaming pakiaalam like before. I really miss it rather than spending our time in front of computers doing out own thing.

Nga pala bago ko makalimutan, tatanong ko ulit kay gela yung 5 things na sinabi ni abby! haha..may kasalanan pa sakin yung mokong na yun:P

sa mga babasa nito, pasensya wala tong direksyon, masyado lang ako masaya! ahhaha:P i just want to freeze the memory:P and matagal tagal na rin from the time na umuwi ako ng madaling araw na naglalakad! haha:P

She can’t express what she feel while looking at the old familiar scene. The river is near with her. The grasses are still that high and dancing as Mr. Wind gave some blow. The sunset and sunrise are still nice to watch on this place. The changes aren’t that much. Her secret hide out is still a secret after all. A wide grin plastered on her face when her eyes landed on a familiar bench and a tree, after all that’s the reason why she’s here.

“Hey Arthur, it’s been a while.“She said before sitting on a bench in front of her.

“Sorry if I didn’t visit you for the past years. I went to the city to earn a degree in a nice university, and became very busy after a while. The city is so big and they are full of lights! There are plenty of people as well! If only I can take you there, I would! But we both know that I can’t pull you off and put you on my trunk. “She chuckled on her own crazy idea

“Arthur, isn’t my dress so lovely? Mr. Wind loves it! See! He keeps dancing with the hem of my gown.” She said childishly

“I have something to tell you. I’m at a wedding exactly 2 hours ago. It is so fabulous! It’s a garden wedding and it’s being surrounded with flowers while the butterflies are freely roaming around. The harp, violin and the grand piano are creating a heavenly music.” She closed her eyes and a small smile form on her pouty lip.

“My parents, close friends and other significant people whom I know are in there too. Arthur, do you still remember the guy I used to tell you way back then? Yeah! That guy, my best friend which happened to be my dream guy. He is at the wedding too! He is so handsome wearing a suit. He even kissed me on the cheek before holding my hands”
She said in a dreamy voice before a tear drops on her face.

“I should be happy right now, I shouldn’t cry. I’ve been in my dream wedding with the guy I dream of as a groom. I should be happy with that, its all perfect…” Tears are now flowing on her face like it was raining.

“But the thing is, I am not my sister..His bride…” She said bitterly while letting her self cry her heart out. She’s tired of holding back this tear. She’s tired of hiding her broken heart with a set of her million dollar smile. She’s so tired…for the past two hours, she act as if everything is alright while she’s dying inside. She let herself cry a river for him again, on the same place with the same tree who only knew what’s inside of her.


A/N: I finished it the day before yesterday pero nitatamad ako magpost. ngaun ko lang naisip! ahha, kung may nilalang na binasa to at tatanungin ako bakit ko to naisip, ang sagot ko: "hindi ko din alam, basta nakatunganga lang ako at naisip ko magsulat ng nakakalungkot :))" At kung naisip nyong itanong bakit arthur, ang sagot ko: "Aba, pumasok lang sa isip ko ang Arthur's theme! haha" 
 

tagal ko na din di nag-update dito! haha:P naisip ko lang magpost ng walang kakwenta kwentang gawa ko, yung iba nasa livejournal ko, pag sinipag ipost ko din:P

I'm confused, I'm lost,
my soul and body are nowhere to be find,
I'm stupid and dumb,
my brain is now out of sight,
I hide and I shout,
my courage is fading out,
The reality bit me hard,
and slowly revealing the bare me keep hiding inside...

AN: ewan ko kung napost ko na to! haha..kahit na post ko na okay lang, nakita ko lang ulit!

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its been a while from that time
when i used to hold my pen and start to hide
finding a good spot to write
a poem written from the heart

its been a few years
3 and more than a half year to be exact
but why it feels like this?
like a King whose out of his thrown

AN: kanina ko lang nagawa:) (kabaliwan na naman)

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sana kaya ko isulat lahat ng nararamdaman ko ngaun...

sana after ko masulat mawala na lang lahat..

Gusto ko ng bumalik sa ellen na kilala ko, ayaw ko na ng ganito..Prang di ako makamove on sa mga nangyayari skin...

This past few months, parang andmi dami ko ginawang kasalanan..parang andami dami kong mali na di ko na alam pano itatama..

I need to grow..pero prang ang nangyayari skin di ako naggrow..

Nalilito na ako..

sana maayos ko na ang buhay ko..hays..

One thing that i learned from college is to say give up when you know you cant do anything about it.

I am not that good on measuring when to stop or not, so i don't know if my decision is right. But today, i said to myself that I wouldn't be that hardheaded to accept things. I know it wouldn't fade that easily..It will still remain but it just change. Maybe it is for the better..i will only wait until the time that everything will be okay or wait until i accept that this is okay.

I think the best thing to do now is to practice my adaptability skills and learned from my mistake that I shouldn't trust to much..nor gave care too much.

I know i just preventing myself to get hurt...but i been hurt before not just once. Its better to do this than look like a fool again.

Finally...White Flag is UP! 

*sorry for the grammatical error*